There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
