my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
