She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The uberlube is also flammable
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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