I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
