I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
