Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
