You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
