u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
