would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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