What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
