Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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