Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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