Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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