New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
