Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
