Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
