Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
