I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
