One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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