somebody snuck up and got me drunk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
