If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
