the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
