I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
