Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
