It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Girls should come with a carfax report
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
