this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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