I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
