It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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