if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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