Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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