What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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