with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
