am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
