biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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