Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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