I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
