It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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