What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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