I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
