pop tarts are not kleenex
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
