Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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