I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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