I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
