I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
