he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
