he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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