If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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