We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
