i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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