I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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