She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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